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You left us almost 3 months ago. (2 months, 13 days, 3 hours and 42 minutes to be exact, but who’s counting.) “You left us…” I hate this wording. Countless English professors and bosses trained me over the years to avoid the pas*ive voice. But the pas*ive voice seems so much more appropriate in this case. This was not something done by you, but something that happened to you. You didn’t leave us. You were taken from us. Cruelly, suddenly and against your will. You had no agency — no choice in the matter. Surely you never would have chosen to leave this world before seeing the perfect son we created. You never would have chosen to leave your daughter… not before she started kindergarten. Not before she learned to read and play sports and take acting clas*es and go to prom and attend college and start her career and have children of her own. Not before you got to see her grow up in your beautiful image, and brighten the lives of those around her the way you brightened the lives of those around you. You didn’t leave us. The world was robbed of your life force. What’s left now is a crater. An enormous, smoking cavity of sadness and loss. I looked up craters online. They are caused by the explosion or impact of a meteorite or “other celestial body.” I like that wording. You were a celestial body, and you left an impact on me (and the world) that could never be undone or filled in or paved over. Immediately after your death, I chose to walk around the crater. It was a longer, less-direct route, but it was necessary. I had diapers to change and crusts to remove from PB&J sandwiches and bills to pay, and other people’s grief to manage, like the woman at the insurance company who broke down crying when I told her our story. And I had a funeral to arrange. Walking through the crater — spending any amount of time in the crater — would have made those tasks impossible. There is more time now. More time to walk through the mas*ive hole and ponder what happened to you. There are still diapers to change and