Nylabluesmum.wordpress.com Website Review

namaste purrince siddhartha henry aka ‘littul man’: today is december 31st…..the end of 2018…since i awoke this morning i’ve. been crying. over coffee; writing thank you cards; in the shower, eating breakfast, reading blogs; the tears just keep flowing. honestly. i’m not ‘over’ you or thru my grief. i want to be. i want to look at your photos’ & remember all the happy times we had together.. i want to smile at the memory of you being here with me. and i’ve tried! g-d knows i have tried. i even visited your grave christmas day. & left you a catnip pouch  in the snow. and i fell apart in front of mumma mary-ellen yet again. i’m racked with guilt & pain. it. physically hurts to breathe some days.  all i hear is my own screaming that fateful monday night when the panleuk took you over. i. see you over & over in my mind’s eye rushing at me & clawing at my eye,my arm & my back. i am so haunted by that night. i’m haunted by. the fact i made you sleep outside of the bedroom. i’m haunted that i had to put you to sleep. your ghost is everywhere. i swear you rub my. legs nightly or run by me. i hear your little “mee-yeah”. i feel like i’m ‘cracking up’. i thought by now, 4 months later i’d. have some amount of peace but i don’t. i can still see the emails i received from fellow bloggers who said i was a ‘disgusting human. being’ & a cat killer’ & then blocked me from their blogs. they will probably never read this post & even if they did, they would. justify their words. i know at least 8 bloggers have unfollowed me. they do not reply to my emails. many of them were nylablue’s. guardian angels. that really hurts! ironic how her guardian angels vilified me for an illness i had no control over. my entire world came. crashing down around me & i just couldn’t fix it or you my duders! you know siddhartha henry i adopted belladharma because of you. all. those months you rubbed the laptop when you saw her photo. did you know ‘littul man’ that you were getting worse? did you point.